My two sons and two daughters are now 25, 24, 21, and 17, and as far as I can tell we didn't do anything radically wrong regarding gender. That may well have been dumb luck, who knows? I would say that three of them are fairly gender-typical and do correlate their gender with their biological sex, and one not so much, at least in superficial aspects such as clothing and activities, with apparently no problems concerning that, and all of them have been pretty much that way from very early days.

I doubt that any kid benefits from hearing people ask, "Are you a boy or a girl?" but I suspect that it poses problems only for those who are old enough to have started to feel some gender confusion or dysphoria. Likewise, a kid who has started to feel consistent identity as male or female probably isn't harmed by the occasional misidentification by strangers.

I don't think there's any problem with calling your kid "a good girl" or "a good boy" as long as you're alert to any signs that the kid is uncomfortable with that designation.