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kate_nepveu) wrote2008-04-22 07:41 am
On asking to touch the breasts of a stranger
If you are a stranger, especially a man, perhaps especially in a group of other strangers who are men, and you come up to me and say, "You're very beautiful. I'd like to touch your breasts. Would you mind if I did?":
You will put me in fear.
Because you could be someone who will go away quietly if I say no (which I will). You could be the exiled gay prince of Farlandia, cursed to wander this Earth looking for the key to his return that can only be revealed by touching the breast of a willing stranger, and who isn't enjoying this at all. You could, in short, not be a danger to me.
But how am I supposed to know that?
How am I supposed to distinguish you from the person who says he's really just whatever, but is actually going to put emotional pressure on me, or make a scene, or stalk me, or rape me?
I can't. Because that would require a level of discernment and of trust that is not possible, by definition, in my dealings with a stranger.
And therefore, if you ask to touch my breasts, you will frighten me.
If your goal is actually to make a better world, I suggest that you use a method that doesn't involve putting women in fear.
(Also, I find it hard to believe you can create "the kind of world where [people can] say, 'Wow, I'd like to touch your breasts,' and people would understand that it's not a way of reducing you to a set of nipples and ignoring the rest of you, but rather a way of saying that I may not yet know your mind, but your body is beautiful," by going up to women, touching their breasts, and then going away. Among many, many other problems that are noted in the comments to the original. But that's secondary to my main point here.)
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Conventions are full of sad, pathetic people, who are relying on the fact that they've paid for membership to make the con runners reluctant to throw them out. There are exceptions, and they're all busily trying to avoid the majority of the congoers. It's like White Wolf LARPing, done large. While I love the people I went to actually see at the con I paid to go to, I'm never planning to attend, ever again. I'll go town to that city and hang with people on a weekend that is NOT the convention, just to avoid the convention people.
[1]: Volunteered to help a friend with security on an art show at a furry convention. NEVER AGAIN. Dirty! Dirty! Yach! It's been, like, 5 years, and I need to go shower now. Nothing to do with the art content, since that was all PG, everything to do with that patrons.
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Unfortunately, the majority of cons in Seattle have been taken over by the in-your-face fetish crowd and aren't really about SF at all.
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Strangely enough I was just flamed because I found the last episode of Battlestar Galactica (2003) offensive because I didn't appreciate the back-to-back scenes which suggested women felt they needed to be physically abused to feel loved.
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