Somehow, mijo has managed quite well to figure out that he is a boy even without my having ever deliberately set out to teach him.
And believe you me, what we deliberately set out Not To Teach Him about gender stereotypes he picked up very very well once he went out in the world. We spent most of his younger years (ages 3 to Now--which is 14) deprogramming him every day after school and/or exposure to my "family."
And despite all of that--my attempts to deliberately undermine dominant gender paradigms with him--he is a boy. He's just a boy that does not identify his masculinity as being directly proportional to how "not girl" or "not gay" he acts. He's just a boy who self-identifies as a feminist and schools his buddies in the locker room about gay rights. He is a boy that defends those weaker than he is when necessary and yet doesn't associate his manliness with being *violent.* He's a boy, now, that believes that men *do* nurture. These are qualities that are, unfortunately, Notable among his peers.
So, that's been my experience. He didn't need to be *taught* to be a boy. He needed to be taught, however, what being a *boy* should not mean. If we'd have just left that crap alone, I don't think we'd be happy.
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timeasmymeasure
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Date: 2008-09-22 03:14 pm (UTC)And believe you me, what we deliberately set out Not To Teach Him about gender stereotypes he picked up very very well once he went out in the world. We spent most of his younger years (ages 3 to Now--which is 14) deprogramming him every day after school and/or exposure to my "family."
And despite all of that--my attempts to deliberately undermine dominant gender paradigms with him--he is a boy. He's just a boy that does not identify his masculinity as being directly proportional to how "not girl" or "not gay" he acts. He's just a boy who self-identifies as a feminist and schools his buddies in the locker room about gay rights. He is a boy that defends those weaker than he is when necessary and yet doesn't associate his manliness with being *violent.* He's a boy, now, that believes that men *do* nurture. These are qualities that are, unfortunately, Notable among his peers.
So, that's been my experience. He didn't need to be *taught* to be a boy. He needed to be taught, however, what being a *boy* should not mean. If we'd have just left that crap alone, I don't think we'd be happy.