Generally, if people figure out I'm queer (which they often do as a result of what I write, things I talk about, stuff I hone in on in lectures, whatever), they assume I'm a lesbian. Sometimes I get shit, sometimes I don't, but the shit comes from people I genuinely wouldn't piss on if they were on fire so while it's flak I don't enjoy, it doesn't affect my life that much. Amongst people I'd generally like to share socialization with, my experiences are assumed to be real, my difficulties are assumed to be real and worthy of compassion, and my opinions are considered worth hearing.
When people assume I'm straight, it's pretty much like being in the closet. And about as much fun. And to change that, I have two choices: I can tell them the truth (that I'm bi), or I can half-lie and keep it at "queer", at which point they will assume "lesbian."
When I say I'm bi, my chances of getting a ton of shit go up exponentially. I'm a liar. I'm looking for attention. I'm ruining the cause for real queer people. Anything I say is dismissed: my opinions don't REALLY matter. THE FIRST QUESTION I usually get asked is "so you have a girlfriend?" Suddenly my entire sexual history is open to debate. Eyes get rolled. I often get more shit from monosexually queer people than I do from straight people: they just dismiss me quietly as a girl playing around with things who wants to be "edgy" and "cool", whereas from the first group, I often find myself under attack.
I'm so often so tempted not to tell people I (potentially) like men as well as women. My life is easier if people think I'm a lesbian.
Anecdote is not data. But that's my life.
(NB: I should note that this is primarily in physical space. Fandom sucks less about this stuff in general, in my life-experience.)
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timeasmymeasure
no subject
Date: 2014-04-03 02:24 am (UTC)When people assume I'm straight, it's pretty much like being in the closet. And about as much fun. And to change that, I have two choices: I can tell them the truth (that I'm bi), or I can half-lie and keep it at "queer", at which point they will assume "lesbian."
When I say I'm bi, my chances of getting a ton of shit go up exponentially. I'm a liar. I'm looking for attention. I'm ruining the cause for real queer people. Anything I say is dismissed: my opinions don't REALLY matter. THE FIRST QUESTION I usually get asked is "so you have a girlfriend?" Suddenly my entire sexual history is open to debate. Eyes get rolled. I often get more shit from monosexually queer people than I do from straight people: they just dismiss me quietly as a girl playing around with things who wants to be "edgy" and "cool", whereas from the first group, I often find myself under attack.
I'm so often so tempted not to tell people I (potentially) like men as well as women. My life is easier if people think I'm a lesbian.
Anecdote is not data. But that's my life.
(NB: I should note that this is primarily in physical space. Fandom sucks less about this stuff in general, in my life-experience.)