pregnancy update

[kate_nepveu]

At the start of week 28, the beginning of the third trimester, I thought I'd do a quick update.

First, the mug shots:

Except for "way bigger" (compare week 28 front and side last time), this is basically how I looked when pregnant with SteelyKid: like I swallowed a series of balls of ever-increasing proportions, and not much different otherwise. Folk wisdom claims this is a sign that I'll have a boy, but, again: basically how I looked when pregnant with SteelyKid.

(Geez, I'm huge. No wonder people at work keep asking me how much longer I'm going to be there, I look more like I did at 38 weeks than 28. However, I must note that this is all second-pregnancy effects, FutureSibling is not unusually large.)

Second, how I'm feeling: basically okay, with some hormonally-amplified anxiety issues.

Fetal growth is as I said normal, lots of fetal movement, no issues with my blood sugar or blood pressure. A little bit of swelling in my hands and feet just recently; one middle-of-night leg cramp. Some increased sensitivity to heat and sun (when I found myself standing in the shade of a traffic sign one morning at the playground, I got myself a big floppy gardening hat). Increased fatigue and abdominal discomfort comes and goes. Stomach is mostly better.

Last pregnancy, I had a thing where I would be sitting quietly thinking about nothing stressful and suddenly feel like I was driving and someone'd just swerved into my lane: a huge jolt of adrenaline, but for no apparent reason. Lots of tests eventually came to the same conclusion I started with: just my endocrine system going wacky. Seems like I have a related thing this time: I don't get the big jolts, but I do get the physical sensations of anxiety and stress, sometimes connected to the emotions and sometimes not. For instance, one time I had a scary thought, dispelled said scary thought in about ten minutes of research, but had the pounding heart etc. for about the next three hours. Other times, the physical sensations don't seem to be connected to anything. But, you know, funky feedback loops, psychosomatic and somatopsychic, chicken-and-egg, blah blah: in light of this, I thought it necessary to deliberately step away from a few things that seemed to be affecting me inordinately. My non-avoidable reactions are manageable, but it is a more conscious and deliberate process than usual and does exact a cost on my time and energy. This seems to have plateaued, but I, Chad, and my doctors are all aware and keeping an eye on things.

Finally, allow me to share with you two actual things said to me today, so that you may know not to say them:

First: "Don't run, you make me nervous!" (Pronouns! Autonomy! Fuck you!)

Second: "So are you excited?" (What would you have done if I said no?)

(With regard to the latter, "Best wishes" is a good safe acknowledgment of someone's pregnancy.)

Comments

[rivka]

It was amazing to me, how I could be perfectly aware that my feelings of anxiety/panic/weepiness were entirely hormonal, and not an accurate reflection of the world - and yet, even knowing that, I would still be anxious/panicky/weepy. Having the insight that the feelings weren't real didn't make them go away. It seemed so unfair.

I'm sorry your endocrine system is jerking you around.

[kate_nepveu]

Oh, that reminds me, the weepiness seems to be backing off; for a while I would feel myself physically on the verge of tears _even when I wasn't upset about anything_.

And yes. Especially when I'm trying to sleep and my endocrine system has decided to go into overdrive. Mind over body, bullshit.

[rushthatspeaks]

My love for that shirt continues to be boundless.

[kate_nepveu]

Yay!

(And yet the only people who have wouldn't heed the shirt anyway, go figure.)

[maevele]

Seriously, autonomy! Pregnant people can still run, cripes.

[kate_nepveu]

And, you know: your nervousness overrides my priorities _why_?

[thistleingrey]

I looked exactly like me-with-large-bump right up till the birth. Oh, my ankles got slightly larger, and I gained some weight above/below the bump, as one does when hormones prod one into doing so, but no one could really tell that either of those had occurred.

Glad you're feeling fairly well, on the whole! Alas for the anxiety rushes.

[kate_nepveu]

Yeah, you'd have to know me really really well to see the other changes.

(Last pregnancy, I was at Chad's college reunion and met a bunch of people while sitting down at a picnic table, basically, which hid the bulge. Inevitably, whenever anyone asked if we had kids and we said that we were expecting our first in a couple of months, people would look stunned and then say they'd never have guessed. Well, you just _met_ me, why should you expect to guess if you can't see my midsection?)

[flea]

Reading the first actual thing said to you, I thought you meant they were said by SteelyKid, and were admiring her complex language skills. Well, until I got to the Fuck you.

[kate_nepveu]

She is much more likely to say "Mommy! Be careful!"

[kass]

Re: things people say -- In Jewish tradition, the classical response to news of a pregnancy (or to seeing someone who is visibly pregnant) is b'sha'ah tovah -- "(may everything happen) in a good hour," e.g. "I hope things unfold the way they should." I used to be kind of baffled by that, but since my own pregnancy, it makes more sense. It's a nice, neutral way to express hope that everything will be good without generally indicating what form that "good" should take or how the pregnant women should feel about it.

I think you look lovely, for what it's worth, and I'm glad that things are generally good -- though sorry to hear about the adrenaline spikes; that sounds like no fun at all. It is endlessly fascinating to me how the body can be at once so smart (about how to grow a tiny human) and so frustrating (especially w/r/t the emotional impact of hormone swings and endocrine wackiness.)

[kate_nepveu]

That sounds like a nice way to put it, yes.

[publius]

Aww, I can't see the pictures from work. Ah well: Best wishes!

[kate_nepveu]

LJ-hosted for convenience. I looked at installing image gallery software on steelypips.org and couldn't find anything that appeared to have the same functionality, believe it or not. DW is in the process of getting image hosting up and running, though.

[missyb]

I'm sorry your endocrine system is raising hell with you. Bodies are so dumb sometimes.

I think you look terrific!

[kate_nepveu]

Thanks.

[silveraspen]

It will never cease to amaze me how people try to interact with women who are pregnant.

Glad you're feeling basically okay, and best of wishes for the rest of the experience to go how you would like it to!

[kate_nepveu]

Thanks!

[sparkymonster]

Your shirt is fantastic.

Also endocrine system weirdness is not OK