On asking to touch the breasts of a stranger

[kate_nepveu]

If you are a stranger, especially a man, perhaps especially in a group of other strangers who are men, and you come up to me and say, "You're very beautiful. I'd like to touch your breasts. Would you mind if I did?":

You will put me in fear.

Because you could be someone who will go away quietly if I say no (which I will). You could be the exiled gay prince of Farlandia, cursed to wander this Earth looking for the key to his return that can only be revealed by touching the breast of a willing stranger, and who isn't enjoying this at all. You could, in short, not be a danger to me.

But how am I supposed to know that?

How am I supposed to distinguish you from the person who says he's really just whatever, but is actually going to put emotional pressure on me, or make a scene, or stalk me, or rape me?

I can't. Because that would require a level of discernment and of trust that is not possible, by definition, in my dealings with a stranger.

And therefore, if you ask to touch my breasts, you will frighten me.

If your goal is actually to make a better world, I suggest that you use a method that doesn't involve putting women in fear.

(Also, I find it hard to believe you can create "the kind of world where [people can] say, 'Wow, I'd like to touch your breasts,' and people would understand that it's not a way of reducing you to a set of nipples and ignoring the rest of you, but rather a way of saying that I may not yet know your mind, but your body is beautiful," by going up to women, touching their breasts, and then going away. Among many, many other problems that are noted in the comments to the original. But that's secondary to my main point here.)

Comments

(frozen)

[ms-daisy-cutter.livejournal.com]

Well, the reason it's taken on a life of its own is that theferrett chose to put up a creepy post about it, and to encourage others to play the same game at all cons. Without that post, it'd have never amounted to anything more than a grope session among friends that some people enjoyed but which violated other people's boundaries.

(frozen)

[http://users.livejournal.com/jer_/]

That's strange, because if that's what it was... once the explanation was issued it would have died out, and morons would stop spreading misinformation like "which violated other people's boundaries." because others' boundaries were violated as much as mine are by reading your foolish lies.

(frozen)

[ms-daisy-cutter.livejournal.com]

"Your foolish lies."

LOL.

The outraged defensiveness of the defenders of this assholish "project" knows no bounds.

(frozen)

[http://users.livejournal.com/jer_/]

Oh, make no mistake, I don't defend the PROJECT. I do defend REALITY, on which you clearly do not have a grasp.

(frozen)

[ms-daisy-cutter.livejournal.com]

Ahahahahahahaha.

Your frothing outrage over what was a fairly mild comment of mine is amusing. Did you want to throw down a glove, too?

(frozen)

[http://users.livejournal.com/jer_/]

Frothing outrage? *chuckle* I'm barely even perturbed. I'm frustrated that people can still hear what actually happened and ignore it because it doesn't push their agenda. But based on your manufacturing anger in me, I'm guessing you're used to manufacturing most of your arguments. I apologize, I didn't realize I was being trolled. Well done.

(frozen) THREAD FROZEN

[kate_nepveu]

I see that while I was off, you know, *working*, this sub-thread has gone past the point of usefulness. I'm therefore freezing it.