IBARW: Don't ask me my nationality.

[kate_nepveu]

This is an American-only post, as I understand that "nationality" has different connotations in different countries. For the general version, which I fully agree with, see karaadora's post, "Where are you from?" "London" "No, where are you FROM?": why this annoys me and other stories. (Also, Supernatural fans, there is a link to a picture of her with Jensen Ackles.)

It is also part of a set with the previous post.

Dear fellow Americans:

Please stop asking me my nationality, or referring to other people of my nationality. Here in the United States, "nationality" refers to your country of citizenship. (See, news discussions about "foreign nationals.")

When you ask me my nationality, or tell me (in a very well-meaning way) that "other people of my nationality" have been having trouble finding glasses that fit because of the way our faces are shaped, you are assuming that I am foreign. That I am not, in fact, American. And since this is a long-standing stereotype about people of Asian descent, that we are foreigners, you are perpetuating a stereotype. You probably don't know that you're doing it, but it pisses me off. And now you know. So don't do it.

What you really want to know is where my ancestors came from far enough back that everyone around them had yellow skin. I'll accept, "what's your ancestry" or "ethnicity", though I have to say, why do you want to know? I don't go up to random people of European descent and ask them what country their ancestors came from.

Oh, and the same goes for showing off your knowledge of some Asian language by greeting me in it. Do I greet you, a perfect stranger, by saying "Ciao"? No. I know you think you're being polite and respectful. But you're not. And now you know. So don't do it.

Sincerely,

An American

(Chad does this nicely when asked, with perfect reason, if we're going to Japan because I have family there: "Kate was born in Korea, but she's from Boston." Which I will try to adapt, except that I would substitute "Massachusetts.")

(I say "try" because, for all that I am ranting here, it's really hard to come out and say this when someone does it in person. I'm working on it, though.)

(Also, on ranting: I'm doing this here, and somewhat in the last one too, because this isn't directed at anyone specifically, and because it does make me angry, and anger has its place—as does being polite. oyceter has a good post on this.)

Comments

[papersky.livejournal.com]

I think a lot of Americans really are obsessed with their own and everyone's ancestry in a way that seems odd to me, especially as all of them seem to me so much more alike in being American than they are different in their individual subcultural ethnicities.
)

[calimac.livejournal.com]

That in itself makes it interesting. How would I be different were I genetically identical but my ancestors had never migrated here from Europe?

[ckd]

I can't speak for papersky, but acculturation is a big part of it for me. For example, some of my wife's family moved to the US, while most of them stayed in England. Comparing cousins (who moved young enough not to have been the "decider" in the move, and who have acquired culture, accent, etc in the new location) I can see major cultural differences even though they're significantly genetically related.

I think it's important to distinguish between ancestry, residence, cultural identity, and legal nationality. In my case: ancestry is pretty much "American-Western European-mutt" (including German, Dutch, and probably Welsh), residence is the People's Republic of Cambridge, cultural identity is a bit of a mix (tending to the techno-nerdy, with elements of Army brat and other bits), and legal nationality is a combination of American and Irish.

[calimac.livejournal.com]

Sure, accultuarion is the reason. What I wonder is in what specifics would it manifest itself. Would my gestures and style be different? What about my political beliefs? Literary and musical tastes? And so on. Of course you can also ask these questions about other changes. Some people talk as if they think successive generations of young people are fundamentally different kinds of human beings. I think it's a combination of circumstances and of random fluctuations in which characteristics come to the fore.

[ckd]

I think that gestures and style would probably change a bit. (Cue Hellspark reference.) Political beliefs? Perhaps. Mine have shifted, and while some of that's time-related, I suspect some of it's environmental; moving from an Army-brat-heavy environment to Cambridge changes the surrounding political climate significantly. (Also note Robert Heinlein's apparent political shifts relative to his different marriages.) Literary and musical tastes? I'm not sure how much of it is simple exposure to different genres/styles/etc, but I certainly listen to more mid-80s hip-hop/rap and more 90s-00s folk/Celt-rock.

Hard to tell what the exact differences would be, but I think they'd exist.

[cakmpls.livejournal.com]

Obsessed among Western cultures, maybe, but hardly so compared to some non-Western cultures.

[kate_nepveu]

That's hard for me to say. In the places I've lived, I think that the strength of identification with ethnic groups or countries of ancestry varies a *lot* in terms of intensity and also, hmmm, depth. Many people would mention an affiliation with an ancestral country if the topic came up but I couldn't see much affect on their life; some had a bit more; etc.

Actually, thinking about what it reminds me of, is being a sports fan. Seriously--when the home team is doing really well, a lot of people will pay attention (equivalent to holidays, I think, when people bring out their family traditions); normally, the vast majority of people would be vaguely aware of how the home team is doing but not do much about it; some people pay closer attention to the news; fewer people watch the games; fewer still go to the games; and the fewest paint themselves the team colors and go to _all_ the games.

. . . you are probably not the right person to try this analogy on. Sorry.

[ex-greythist387.livejournal.com]

That's very interesting. I wonder to what extent this might (or might not) be colored by region and by which generation(s) immigrated to the U.S.

I'm told I don't share a lot of cultural assumptions with my U.S.-born agemates about how things should work by default, possibly (says my Canadian friend) because both my parents grew up in wartime in different countries. One stewed clothes and pounded them on rocks, which for many (though not all) Americans became obsolete a generation or two before. (Or for those Americans' servants, I suppose.) My parents are twenty and thirty years your senior, roughly.